How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
