I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
