her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
