Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
