Don't make out with my wife yet
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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