you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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