I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Someone stole a lamp last night.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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