So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
