does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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