After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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