I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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