your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
