I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
