just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
