What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
