I wish I could teleport
they need to just BURY HIM!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
