She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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