i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
