Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I've blown a few things in my day
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
