I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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