Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
