We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
