im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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