I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
