"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
