Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
