Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
