Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
