I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
