Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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