shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
