i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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