She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My dick has a subreddit
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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