plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
