I hate your face
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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