first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
