btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
