So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
