so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
