I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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