Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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