I wanna passion pit in your ass
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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