I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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