He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
