I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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