I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
