nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
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