Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
