I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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