He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
