I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
