What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
