My first STD was from a foam party
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
