Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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