Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
